aftermath of the little lamb

im feeling rather uncomfortable right now. if only i can throw up whatever i ate yesterday. the food was not over-whelming for me. its a psychological effect. ive got to stop thinking about it. but its getting uncomfortable by the minute. this is worrying.

*swallow hard*

PS 1

finally made it to P.S.1. was great. i dint work this weekend. told him i was going to work from home on sat but i dint! i set a record of waking up at 11am and glued myself to my couch till 530pm before going to the gym, candle for dinner (YUM) and rice pudding at Rise to Riches.

Had shabu shabu at Little Lamb Restaurant for dinner after P.S.1. got to say that im really turning nauseous when in touch with meat. the soup base was a combination of lamb and pork. luckily there was some herbal touch to it, thus covering up the meat taste and smell. i swear i would have vomitted if that wasnt so. after the meal, i hit the washroom, trying to throw up. think it was probably psychological reaction more than anything else.

im turning zombified. im an over-worked soul now. im purely living and breathing. when i meet up with friends, i do it so that it is not just work for me. but i realised that i have nothing much to say, or contribute. actually, i hardly said anything. im hoping that its only a phase that im going through now. kinda worried for myself.

english

Mike: hey grace, do you have anything you need me to work on at this point?
Slim: hey mike.
Slim: im good
Mike: ok
Slim: think you shld go!
Slim: roll off
Slim: yay
Mike: already?
Slim: haha
Slim: im happy for you
Mike: I don't know, I'm going to miss blue*****
Mike: especially the dinners
Mike: going back to insurance for me
Mike: alright well I guess I'll get going then
Mike: in a little bit anyway

this is my staff 1. i think i have made his 3 weeks sting with us memorable. im proud of myself.

singlish rules

YX wa...big team
ET dinner tonight (not thai/indo) or breakfast tmrw - taking orders and headcount
BT wah... ano wu lin da hui.
CC wassup??
BT too bad no meng2 zhu3....
SY si mi restaurant
BT c's straight to the pt.
BT no one in mh for b'fast tmr...
CC yea no bfast tmr
CC SY... i m gog afterall... see how i die next week
BT hahaha....
BT u wun die.
BT just get more zombified that's all.
CC anywayz, i m not in ofc... n i dunno what time i can go off... wh restaurant ya wanna go??
ET the queens kids rule
BT let e decide, since she invited us.
YX wah like that say
BT :p
ET ;p
CC hahah
ET any suggestions?
CC queens vs MH... tied leh
BT oh yah... 6 of us.
BT 3 queens, 3 mh.
BT e how?
ET i added m to the chat, so it's 4 vs 3 ;p
ET i was going to suggest flushing, but i guess i may get chopped
YX trust me, u wun reach queens tonight...
BT i think yx is capable of that...
CC wa.. YX soooo fierce...
ET yea...
BT yi3 xia4 fan4 shang4....
YX concur w bobby, i m so capable of that
BT yx, be careful of roundtable.... :p
SY sorry, i am rushing FS for partner now. tell me the conclusion later.
BT i think can leave m and c out... they going skiing tmr, today have to work till midnite. :p
CC YX oso gog ma
BT she din say she wants to go for dinner mah. only said e can't go home tonite if we go flushing for dinner. :p
BT right yx? ;)
YT yeah yeah.... anything la....i tryin to finish up...i wanna go jalan a bit later...so boring...my ass's getting out of share sitting down here
BT hahaha....
BT okie, et decide.
CC yea me too... my butt actually hurts from sitting too long. anyway, lemme noe la.... need to rush sth now for mgr. ttyl
MA wassup?
MA dinner?
BT yea... et and ma decide cos you two the oldest.
BT need to be firefighter now ttyl/

Lily: Take-care-of-you tips

lily is very cute. she has left me this msg.

Lily Cheng Take-care-of-you tips
Lily Cheng Exercise, exercise, exercise
Curl up with a good book
Try aromatherapy
Get a massage
Meditate
Visit a day spa
Relax in a hot tub
Treat yourself to a facial or manicure
Shop 'til you drop
Take a stroll on the beach

i m exercising and have curled up with wsj over the weekend.

organic pain

for the first time, im feeling the pain from indulging in organic food. the grocery bill today was $32.86 and scanning at the 10 items that i bought, they are coincidentally, all organic.

- fruits: 4 bananas, 1 grapefruit and 4 pears = $14.38 (!!! that expensive right??! the pears cost 1.98/pound and they were 5 pounds in all)
- grocery: broccoli and tofu = $4.93
-oatmeal bread = $3.19
- pitted dates = $4.19
- 3 canned soup = $6.17

goodness. and i was overcharged for my bananas, $2.98/lb instead of 98c/lb. argh. maybe i will drop by wholefoods tm morning to get my exchange. we ll. its monday tomorrow, so not looking forward to work.

...kiddo...

sweaty palms
trembling hands
icy cold fingers
skipping heart
symptons of seeing someone that you have taken a liking to

these things dont seem to change when i get older. i feel like a kiddo.

withering away

i feel that im withering away. i have lousy appetite and absolute no cravings these days. so i hardly eat. i still take breakfast, try to eat lunch but if i dont try to step out of office, i wont eat lunch. and for dinner, its fruits and cereal and milk.

its bad. that s why i forcing myself to step out of office, so that i will get some food. is it cos im not well or work is getting to me?

scary fact it im not feeling v depressed or lousy. just numb and dead tired. but i cant get to sleep. like last night, i was dead tired, but the brain was still racing, thats why i could not get to sleep. not sure what i should do. just shouting out distress call to my friends, so that i wont be really withering away.

my cute staff

i have a staff working on the engagement now. the things he said are really refreshing. i forgot to save that chat but the essence of that conversation was:

me: so you hanging in there?
him: pretty much. its like staring at the stars in the sky, just that they are numbers on an excel spreadsheet.

i cracked.

e-card

i sent an e-card to someone. They have a check for you to allow a notification to me if the card is viewed. So my friend apparently got the card cos he msged me and said thanks. but i was deeply disturbed. cos i dint see the notification that the card was viewed. so i thought he saw the link and simply said thanks without having the decency to check out the card.

but... heh, the notification came in later on. guessed i was wrong about him. but i was ready to strike him off if he had done that. i would rather he not comment on the card, than to say thank you without meaning it.

no date in the park

when i got to know that it was going to snow on sat, i was so excited about it, eager to fulfill my date with mr snowman. atlas! i was sick over the weekend and dint check him out. a regret to live by if i miss my date this winter. snow, snow, let it snow, again. i can do with the inconvenience and dirty light-colored pants.

work is getting to me. im looking forward to the end of march, which is still pretty far away.

fuzzy feeling

appreciate it when friends show concern, even if its not helping the situation.

... says:
dun tell me u r still at work ?
grace says:
pout
grace says:
and its in office
... says:
wah how come ?
... says:
ask ur boss not to be so cruel lah
grace says:
kns
... says:
ask him to call me
grace says:
haah wat will you say to him
... says:
use vulgarities loh
grace says:
leaving leaving
... says:
oh gd gd !
... says:
ciao !
grace says:
yeah night!
... says:
sweet dreams !

too obliging

i need to stop being so obliging. no mood to go for lunch today but she asked and the usual me obliged. i dint have any craving so the venue was up to her. it was sapporro, then CT, then KT. i was asked if sapporro or CT, i chose CT. then KT came into the picture. I was mutual abt it. i asked lina to go along too. was supposed to leave at 1230, but delayed till 1250. she was like is that too late? Me: huh too late for the restaurant? she: its 1, then it will be 2 plus when we are done with lunch. kinda late. Me: huh it wasnt my idea to eat out. she: ..... (watever she was mumbling, i dint bother to register them). vain me in skirt, and high boots in office. she wanted to take the subway but lina dint have a monthly pass. we tried walking but in the end, i was like, we have to take the train; its too cold for me.

just feel that things are screwed up. maybe its just a lousy day. things were generally not smooth. and litttle things like these bring my mood down. and im wearing a new cardigan, new as in its fresh and nice smelling from my waredrobe. and now it has the restaurant smell. yeeks hating it.

im going to eat a small piece of chocolate to cheer myself up. cramps killing me too. argh.

lousy yesterday

i dropped bixi s hat after picking it up from the restaurant. unbelivable!!! though my fingers were numb from the cold wind and prolly that was why i dint realise that i dropped it but its still no excuse right?!! so angry with myself now. argh.

and goodness gracious grace. how could i have been so mean to make that remark about kelvin??! though it was an innocent remark and i bet he would have gotten such comments his whole life. but i was like, hi, what happened to your eyes?

i seriously thought that he got into a fight the previous day. only when those words came out of my mouth, did i realise that it was not true.

argh. what a first impression. how more insensitive can i get than that?

weekly pigging-out

have told many people that i live to eat and the motivation to go to gym comes from food too. i want to be able to eat and not look fat, thus the sensible solution is to work out.

mon was with andy to Gotham Bar and Grill for restaurant week. i dint like the look and feel of the place, much to my disappointment. the food was fine, no surprises. couldnt pinpoint what was wrong with the dessert. but now i could: the chocolate cake was at room temperature! goodness right? cakes can only be cold or hot! no wonder i just dint taste good, though it was rich and slightly bitter.

wed was team lunch at db bistro moderne. i had cod again, first being at gotham. the must try is the db burger but i dont fancy steak at all. the texture of the cod was nicer, but the cream sauce made me puky. overall experience was a little less pleasurable than gotham's. however, lina loved it so much that she thanked me profusely for making such an excellent choice of restaurant. oh well, im glad i made her day, having done it previously with a beard papa cream puff =)

fri was the best, yet again. its... *drum roll*...candle cafe. i had the same thing again, for the third time i believe. something that i wont do and its not me to go back to the same restaurant repeatedly either but the food is simply the best. check out what i had:

Barbeque Tempeh & Sweet Potato Sandwich
Barbeque tempeh, wilted kale, grilled red onion and
roasted sweet potato on toasted multigrain bread.
Served with shallot-sage aioli and mesclun salad.
$13

sat: first time with peruvian food. was nice. at least they dint taste bad again. we were on 9th ave and headed to vynl for dessert. this was our 2nd time there and i noted something that i dint during the first trip. this restaurant was filled with g**s, abeit bold and middle-aged ones. gee now it makes a little sense why aaron keeps going there.

i m definitely stuffed from all the food. so it was home-cooked toufu for myself. yum.

inconsistency

do you remember being an inconsistent person, or having inconsistent people as friends? this seems rather foreign to me sometime back but now its a frequent occurence in my life, such that i should have gotten used to. if not, its only going to cause much misery.

instance i
lily has played the disappearing act. was a verbal/msn agreement to see each other in the gym around 5ish. glanced periodically at the stairsmaster but dint think i saw her. given the rain, thought she prolly changed her mind, which suited me perfectly cos my workout wasnt dependent on her.

got a call from ting and hung out with them for dinner. knew of plans for the next day over the meal and no one was sure if me and lily were receipients of the emails sent out. i decided to call her but no one picked it. felt strange but guessed its only coincidence.

instance ii
was supposed to do brunch before going to central park. i was the one who suggested sarabeth's, though i dint think i was gonna make it cos i wanted to check out OCM with andy and friends. church ended 10ish and i could have made it to the brunch but i guessed i acted up and dint feel like rushing over at that moment. and i dint think of calling anyone up to let them know that i wasnt turning up. i thought that my presense wasnt gonna make a difference since it was a group event. i had weekly chores to run: buy groceries, laundry, cleaning, cooking so that the fridge can be rid of perishables that were around since 2005!
Ting called and "so where are you guys?" "oh im at home, not joining. but will join you guys for superbowl"
she could be thinking that i was acting haphazardly, yet again.

I called lily twice but no one picked up. we had another appointment to do brunch. would think she really meant that at that point in time but could have changed her mind since then, im not sure since im still not able to get her. and not inclined to think more.

i would have gotten really vexed with people like that cos i dont say things that i dont intend to fulfill. but somehow such expectation of friends is no longer permitted. i was asked "why do i have the need to be with different people?" now i think i prolly have the answer to that. cos i dont want to put all my eggs in one basket.

at the end of the day, only your family and yourself wont fail you. as much as i wish to have faith in all my friends, many instances have shown me otherwise. this doesnt imply that i should live in solitude. i will continue to love them as my friends but i know that they have only so much to offer me and the most important thing that i should know is that i should not impose any expectation on them. the grey fuzzy patch between lovers and friends: obligation. friends have no obligation to one another; lovers do.

ok enough of chilling out on my couch. its maid in manhattan once again. how much longer do i want a lifestyle like this?

needy

i will hate myself if im needy and reliant and dependent on others. i see this as a real weakness in one of my friends and it gets to me. for eg for the dc trip, just because she is so dependent on other pple, she was stuck in mclean most of the time and would jump at any chance if anyone is going out for dinner or to dc. i mean, doesnt she hate herself for being so needy? why cant she do something about it? its not that she doesnt have a driving license. and she has been in ny longer than me. but it was a resolution to be able to drive here so that i can get around if i have the chance to.

now its skiing trip. she is v keen to go but she just wont get things together and will rely on people to ask her. so im sick that everyone is procrastinating so ive said, ok let s go. so she jumped on it yet again, but she has some other idea. there s someone w the car but those people are not confirming things yet. so she s depending on them again, if they are going to go or not. she s hoping to be able to save on car rental. what s up?

wont she look back on her life and regret on things that she dint do cos she was waiting for other people for her whole life? why cant she get her act together herself?

Green

 
having fun w camera as body is refusing to go to work.