pathetic

i have finally found the right word to describe those 3 women-pathetic

sorry that im so judgemental but its never a good thing when women gather to drink/hang out. more often than not, its to drown the sorrows from their love lives, each with their darkest secret.

images from sketches appeared in my head last night. a resolution was made by me and suzy 5 yrs ago that we would not be such pathetic souls in future. yes, im still single and available now. but im happy to lead a singleton life. i have so much to do. i dont make myself silly by drinking and getting all high and act stupidly.

what a crappy saturday night.

wasted:time

yesterday night was really a waste of my time. i cant help but exclaim! ok no more wasting time with un-important people. i have been too obliging lately. actually, as always.

not good for me

heart throbbing trying hard to concentrate its not a good sigh hate it that my body is putting me through such misery again why isnt it mind over heart for me argh

clash of culture

an ABC friend called me up and some friends to drink at a bar last week. over dinner last night, i asked the following harmless question:

was de not feeling good that night? why did he ask us out for a drink?

i got back a sacarstic response: oh you mean you wont call up your friends to a bar? i would. and the responder gathered more support to her side by asking her fellow ABCs.

second one. was supposed to meet up with another friend yesterday, though the timing was not fixed but "sat evening is fine" as proposed by me. talked to him in the day and blah told him abt my plans. he said, i ll call you back.

not sure if he said "i ll call you back later" but the call never came yesterday. and coincidentally, his phone was shut off. im not turning back.

Beer Garden's concept is pretty much like an european's. the outdoor wooden benches and tables are good for merry making with friends. yesterday was bloody cold, and thinking that i was going on a date with the man who never call back, i was in my heels. damnmit. anyway, it was good beer, good food, lousy company, apart for biyi and jules. it was to the extent that i felt i was wasting my time with those people- women who were looking at us, then whispered furiously to one another. are these what women closing on the big 30 do?

my morning

blasting my mp3s. suddenly a sucker for chinese songs and have downloaded them and playing them on loop. had my coffee. full steam ahead for a morning of efficient studying.

loooove mornings, have the feeling that they belong to me and me only. when the gentle sun rays shine through the blinds, the cooling wind that comes through the window slit, and the hushness in the whole house. perfect.

free cone day

its supposed to be a happy day- FREE CONE DAY at Ben & Jerry's . im not a big fan of their ice-cream and will give it a miss. amusing to know of 2 friends ard me who are abstaining- one is abstaining from ice-cream till he gets home, the other is swearing off from ALL desserts till may 13 when all hell will break loose.

the team has decided to make this a team outing later on. hmm. i dont want to eat. first as a sign of solitary w wh and second, it will translate to 1 hr more on the treadmill.

rojak weekend

La Boheme at New York City Opera, sun matinee, orchestra seats, 2nd row to the right for only $19.

definitely a steal but it was the New York City Opera and guessed it cldnt be compared to Mets Opera. The climax was when Musetta sang Quando Me Nvo. Things went downhill from there, be it the opera or the state i was in. was shot by tequila the night before. chldnt keep myself awake for some parts.

The Park was a nice place. glad that i went but im swearing off shots from now on. wonder how many calories that was. crap. im a cheap date nevertheless and proud to be!

caught Nuestra America at quad cinema. supposed to be an introduction and preparation for the trip in aug. hmm dint exactly invoke much emotion from me. hmm.

ok gonna stop detailing what i did, not exactly my style. but i thought it was really crappy that i ran from places to places. and when john asked me what i did for the weekend, i said, party. then i said oh caught a show too. i forgot to add, yeah and an opera.

hello sweetie

my doormen are a bunch of friendly people. i have 2 favorites- a rolly polly old man and another one who has never failed to greet me: hello sweetie, how are you?

my heart always flutters when he says that. i like it that he calls me sweetie.

so guessed who i bumped into round the corner of my gym this morning? the second doorman. to my amazement, he said, good morning sweetie, how are you?

so he recognizes me not just at the entrance of my apartment. had a warm fuzzy feeling.

pout

in life, you usually dont get what you want. LL has said, just pray real hard and it will be answered. is it that magical?

souls saving

Task: To get rid of A

Act 1: Morning 10am, team room
A came to me and kicked up a fuss, not willing to try to do his work on the pretext that he had no py support. Me was pissed, tried to reason, dint succeed, walk away to tell L.

Act 2: Morning 1005am, L's cube
J and I, together with evil L, agreed that yes, today is THE day, A will be out of the team room, never to return.

Act 3: Morning 1015am, Je's jit
I was confused, lost, needed a 3rd opinion. Je was very encouraging, dint think like L.

Act 4: Morning 1025am, team room, my seat
I was still indecisive, couldnt think. decided to leave it till the time of execution.

Act 5: Noon 125pm, team room, my seat
J whispered and said it had been decided: the execution would take place within the next few mintues, as the rest of the team was out for lunch, except for A. Atlas, A stepped away and the rest returned. J looked at me and I stared back. I st J, saying i was not sure the execution should be done. J was on my side (btw, i like his character). Gave my analysis and he took it up, saying to bring up to L.

Act 6: Noon 4pm, team room, chat window blinking
L, J and me. L asked, wassup, slim shady? I gave my story, noting the change in A's attitude and that he should be given a chance. L was hesitant, giving her story. Invited Je. Je was with me.

Act 7: Noon 420pm, team room, chat window blinking still
ok, I was to decide cos this was the only chance, I had no turning back after this. J was on my side now. we both decided, yes, this would be it. no execution. no regrets.

Act 8: Noon 430pm, team room, my seat, my fingers cold and shaking
im glad i did what i did. TGIF.

no mood-studying sucks

was supposed to be mugging, instead i was surfing onto others' web-blog and doing up my resume. what is the deal with myself? am i going to put in some effort to get serious studying done and pass my cpa?

friends II

4/2/06 candid shot at english rose inn,vermont; ting, me, biyi.

friends I

4/16/06 candid shot in sunny's diner, boston; weihong, andy, ting.

oishii

damn good sushi at Oishii. yum the sashimi was juicy and succulent, the handroll wrapped with thin cucumber instead of seaweed and the hand torched hamachi... SLLLLLLLURP!

chilling out at the deck while waiting to set sail was a nice break. at the lower deck, there were people bbbq-ing. thus the smell of the charred food coming up was real nice, with the river breeze from charles river. and i was the lazy one in the boat. basically ting and i were kinda dumb, not too sure if we should tug or let go of the ropes. heh, basically i just let andy and wh give cues. nearly capsized the boat, the highlight of the sailing experience.

a complete change from my previous visit to boston, prolly cos the weather was real kind to me this time round. and we were in terrific companies. and got to mention that wh's apple pie was good too, abeit was guilty that he stayed up till 4am to finish baking it.

good friday

holy thursday night was beautiful. when the lights were off and the place lit by candles, it felt for a moment that i was transposed to another place.

my first confession since i came here. the priest was spot on telling me what i should do: do things that you will love yourself for.

and the phrase that strike me to the core during the stations of the cross: jesus was obedient to the last, all the way to the cross.

the seven last words:

(1) father, forgive them, they know not what they do
(2) amen, i say to you today you will be with me in paradise
(3) woman, behold, your son... behold, your mother
(4) my god, my god, why have you forsaken me
(5) i thirst
(6) it is finished
(7) father, into your hands i commend my spirit

morning sighting

the lights turned green. the car behind the line did not move. instead he horned, several times. the birdie in front of him on the line finally flew away. he zoomed off.

a test

im trying to reconcile inside myself.

train of thought was... i checked his arms, it says he s taking vacation for the later part and some days next week... hmm.. this coincides with passover, dont tell me he s jewish, but its fine... so what he s jewish... then i fought off the temptation to st ll to confirm my 'fear'.. i won the battle. dint st ll.. then i told him to come by my seat so that we can introduce ourselves...indeed he is jewish... we talked... he got defensive... i controled myself... stayed as nice... but the more we talked.. the more i felt the negativity inside him... no, im the first face he has seen for this engagement... nope.. no one has time to talk to me.. oh you guys had a meeting.. see no one included me... so i was like where do you sit.. on the 9th flr... then why dont you try getting a seat on 28th... they wont give me any seat. for the past 2 years, 2 YEArs, i have tried and nope, they refused to grant me a seat... more and more ..... oh no...

is this like a test of my patience and how i will be able to turn a person ard? maybe he just needs more love. i always think that pple with low self-esteem can be turned ard with love and attention. hope that i am right.

breathe. glup. breathe.

food proud

this was how we did sporean food proud, with the help of prima mix- for singapore curry chicken and ba ku teh. really nicely done.

a night of the Js

it was such a greeeeeeat night!!!

night with the jay peakians
night with just perfect sporean food cooked by us. well, with the help of prima mix heh
night with julian drawing the first picture on the wall
night with julia joining us. she s so bouncy and cutey, i like her!
night with janet and i to become brunch buddies
night with justin and us "fooling" ard on the dance floor

3 of us loooove julian. his monosyllabic answers crack us. biyi simply loves to imitate him.

what s up with the whole world

and w is in town this weekend. ok, it dint come his mouth but i brought it up and yes, he is coming on fri. so the msn msg came on asking me if its ok to join us for dinner on friday. firstly, why ask me? so i informed him that its at a friend's place, thus im in no position to answer. but i think i was kind enough to ask a to bring it up with the host, as i met the host through a. a replied sure but i know that he will conveniently forget abt it, and true enough he did. i was kinder enough to shoot the host an email the next day. the host was gracious. surprisingly because the headcount was 10 and i had thought that his house cld only fit 6 pple comfortably, thus explaining my reservation for bringing it up with him in the first place, as i dont want to put him in a difficult position. so i happily msg w to tell/ask him. it was ignored, just like a previous msg.

perhaps there is some miscommunication somewhere along the line but if there isnt, he is being such a petty ass and ought to be ashamed.

its no biggie to ask the host. but one shld never expect or even take things for granted. and if its not granted, one should never blame that someone (which is me in this case) whom he thinks did not try to get things through for him. cos in the first place, that someone (me!) is not obliged to do so. but she only did it out of kindness and for the friendship and a genuine desire to include him. but if there is no courtesy to acknowledge such a kindness, not that its expected but that that someone definitely doesnt deserve any cold treatment, then so be it. that someone will stop trying.

what a fucked up day. thanks julia for listening.

haphazardness v spontaneousity

is it such a grey line between the two? i dont think so.
i have never met so many haphazard people till i came to ny. not sure if i shld be thinking i was too sheltered. but im definitely not celebrating it. in fact, im totally disgusted.

cute remark by boby. went to ct for lunch. started drizzling. i shouted, i hate rain on my head. he spontaneously said, you have so much hair. shld be fine la.

i was cracked. thanks boby for all his corny jokes.

knob-less door

~ william holman hunt-light of the world ~

he is always standing at the exit of the subway station. i have forgotten about him cos i have started walking to work. but today, i was totally color-uncoordinated and wearing a mis-matched outfit- try imagining pants that do not reach the ankle, with a pair of sneakers and black socks *puke* this is always me when i come from gym. its such a hassle to carry another pair of shoes. thus i took the subway, since i was too ugly to parade myself around. luckily, i dint meet anyone cute on the way..

oh back to the old man. so i saw him again. actually i have never looked at him in his eyes. being short-sighted, when i exit, i could see him standing by the stairs, with his right hand out-stretched. guess he is begging. i may just feel better if i give him some money but not sure what im held back by. somehow, i feel that if i give in to these instances, im letting others take advantage of my kindness, no matter how nominal the sum is. but he s only an old man. guess this is why im all guilty and blogging now. and today, i was really guilt-striken. when i walked past him, sub-consciously lowering my head, a thought flashed through: what if this is jesus reaching out? why am i walking away like that?

i have loved this picture cos it spoke to me so much the first time i saw it. i googled it and found it. jesus is knocking on the door and he is not able to get to us, not because he is not trying hard enough but there is no door knob for him to try to open the door. food for thought.

reality hits

chen-en is back in taipei- that s what her msn tag is shouting.

we chatted and that was something so foreign to me. our friendship has been very spontaneous. we kept in touch through emails and text messaged each other sometimes but have never chatted online before. so reality is sinking in now. she s back in taipei, away from nyc. seems like i have taken her for granted in the past or perhaps, i just need to adjust?

but i know that im upset. maybe she is real special to me. i met her at a dim sum organized by qiyun. as usual, people exchanged numbers at the end, but not many people keep things up. at least, i know that i wont take the initiative to do anything cos yes, its back to that inferior thing about myself. anyways, she did! not only once, but countless times. so she has become the few so-called friends ive made here.

i ll really miss her, not just because she s a friend but her personality is cool that make her unique as a person.

striped

this is so exciting. im taking down the pieces of papers relating to BC that ive pinned up at my desk. pieces of data that have been there since the beginning of this year; details that i have memorized at the back of my hand.

so, is this really the end of my busy season 2006?

this is a picture of the sangria we drank at Costa Del Sol.

why does it always rain on me

uncle doesnt like to carry an umbrella and thus, you wont find an umbrella in his messenger bag that is big enough for a small umbrella. so he came by my house to pick up the utensil, soaking wet from the rain. i wonder why he has such fixed ideas about certain things. if he knows its going to rain, will he still not carry an umbrella? he survived this winter with a cotton jacket. the only thing that kept him warm was this black scarf which looks nice on him i must say.

im frustrated. dunno what i must do to make/change him. not that im in any position to do that. wh just asked me: why m i so affected when he was the one who chose to walk in the rain. hm i dunno either.

why does it always rain on me?
is it because i lied when i was seventeen?

jay peak

Jay Peak was memorable.

(1) first time to vermont.
(2) first time that we received 2 speeding tickets in the span of 15 min.
(3) first time that i stayed in a bed-and-breakfast inn. the theme of the place seemed to be "dolls" cos there were many dolls scattered around the place, including our bedroom. sheesh.
(4) first time that i skiied! enjoyed it totally, though the weather wasnt kind to us. started to rain in the afternoon. after the rain stopped, i tried to ski again, but it was more like skating on ice. reminded me of the car skidding accident, thus i refused to continue. ting joined me and we caught up with each other for a fair bit :)
(5) first time i had to eat diner kind of crappy food for ALL my meals. im swearing off fries and buns for a period of time, if not forever. puked.
(6) i can never stay in vermont. haha. cos they are so many freaking stations that play COUNTRY music. bet many of my brain cells were killed.
(7) fussball (or however you spell it) is fun!

i declared the end of my busy season last friday. spent the weekend at jay and today, ive declared a holiday for myself too. manager wasnt kind to me at all when i told him i was going skiing for the weekend. he said "you better not hurt yourself. i wont feel sorry for you.". i dint think much of what he said, cos i was really scared that i may just hurt myself. but now that im safely back home, im pondering over those words and cant help but feel that it was something real mean said to me. if work can be a priority over my well-being, doesnt this say much of this person?