trickortreat.moveornot.

this is so vexing. to move or not to move? can someone decide for me? so tiring to make decisions for myself all the time.

misunderstood.tired.to be sorted out.

that is me.

beauty and the beast

marmi and i had a blast, nuff said

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast 

misery hundred fold

i really suck at what im studying for now. i have to remember how miserable i am right now and all the times before. yes, it s a matter of getting it over and done with but i dont see how likely it will be done.

lotus paste indulgence

this was from wh. how apt! 

paradise ii

matthew 18:1-5
1 At that time, the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"2 He called a child over, placed him in their midst, 3 and said, "Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me. 

paradise

all that matters

 

pick-me-up call

i had an interesting call this morning.

a guy called and i wasnt the person he was looking for. he said, is this 790-****? i was like, yes. he said, oh, you are not the person im looking for. but you sound really cute. im surprised to hear such a cute voice. i flipped. i said, who are you looking for? he said, tom, and tom happened to be someone sitting behind me. anyway, i was like, what s your name? cos at this point in time, i was thinking that it was a prank call from one of my friends. he said brian (or perhaps byran). i was like, hm ok, .. he interrupted me, you sound really cute. do you have a boyfriend?

i rolled my eyes, said, alright, let s stop it here and hung up on him. he did not have the nerves to call back. what a way to pick girls up. its pretty refreshing.

teaser

why do i get teased like that?

AM: do you miss me?
G: ya
AM: no you don't
AM: you have forgotten all about me
G: seems like the other way round
AM: i have been working like a dog darling
AM: and traveling a lot
AM: went to chicago a week or so before
AM: and have been at a stupid client everyday

reflection i

marmi is here. i wish that im feeling happier than the state i am in right now. is it because the anticipation of her coming has worned off? is it because i have to study for the freaking paper that i have to numb myself so that i can concentrate better? is it because im so screwed that i only feel high when im anticipating stuff and get disinterested when it has crystalized? is it because of the wet and chilly weather that i do not feel high?

im questioning my emotional being. i realize that i really have no control over my body and my hormones perhaps. it is a constant struggle to do what my brain tells me. my heart fighting and tugging with the brain; this leaves me restless and emotional and screaming to breathe. it is such a dumb thing to say "follow your heart". whoever invented this phrase is so bs-ing.

breathe air

stuck in traffic from 5pm till 630pm. the car moved from 42nd to 36th street for that period. val's friend called and said he has cleared the immigration. i panicked. that implied that marmi had cleared the gates too. val got off the car just before i got into the tunnel. the traffic cleared up after i entered the tunnel. i fumbled trying to map read and drive at the same time. god blessed me. i reached the arrival hall. if only she knew how to come out to the side, then i did not have to to park the car. i parked the car and ran into the hall. finally i caught her amidst the crowd. our eyes met and the helplessness in her eyes turned to joy and hope at that moment. we embraced.