me and my credit cards

not sure what im trying to hold back by keeping my us credit cards
its so troublesome having to change the mailing address
cant do it online, have to call the people
now that they are changed, i cant exactly do online shopping eg itunes store, cos the billing address is no longer an US one! wtf i feel so dumb. loooks like i have to call to cancel since they are useless.

i thought accountants have superb organizational skills.

the dream that flopped

havent been sleeping well. apparently two nights ago, i was screaming in my sleep/dream and scared my brother but i dont recall him running into my room and screaming away. this morning i woke up from my nightmare/dream. well, it was someone that i have been thinking about recently. perhaps i have a real deep burning desire inside me that wants to see him thus the dream, which was more of a nightmare. the dream seemed to take place right before i was to wake up becos i woke up at 640am from fright of the images. i was crossed- both with the fact that it wasnt much of a sweet dream-come-true thingy and i was supposed to be going for my run at 615am.

damnit. i have to control my thoughts. no more thoughts of him so that i dont get such nightmares. but then if no more thoughts, then i have nothing to look forward to.

just a thought

luckily the link to my old blog still works. while re-reading them, i was able to recollect my earlier days in nyc. it wasnt a bed of roses. my working life after ey certainly looked so much better; however, i got real bored with too much time subsequently in ms. im such a contradictory bitch.

for the past few days, im trying my best to start skipping again. in fact i did. i skipped twice on my way to the printer to pick up my print-outs. well, its not too far a walk. probably some 15 steps? i skipped twice. dont think anyone noticed me but i wasnt concerned about that. i will just laugh it off.

the thinking is that i need to feel happy because i dont want to grow old being a dull and miserable person. i think i ll just keep this mentality for now, not that i had any life-changing event that shook me. maybe its the book im reading- mother teresa, come by my light. it is a powerful reading for me. i cant fanthom the deepness of her faith in god. many atimes, tears welled up in my eyes. maybe loneliness is a cross that i have to carry. well, i shldnt sentence myself just like that. afterall, i havent made any effort to improve things. i guess i want to think that i have god with me end of the day.

something that im still trying to adjust. i was blessed with churches near to me in nyc.- st paul was 2 streets from my 57th st apartment; another church 5 min away while i was in ey; st peter's 2 blocks away from ms too; a 15 min walk to lady of carmel after i moved to astoria. i had the luxury to just go for lunchtime masses. when i needed some quiet time, i ll just pop by the church. and i always found god there. i love those times that i cld just hang around and pray after sunday mass. now that im home, things are not so. there isnt any church near to boc building. lunchtime masses seem unheard of. only evening ones at 6ish- gee the priests obviously dont have working crowd in mind.

i want to be able to shout LIFE IS GOOD. that was mitul's motto. wonder how he is doing. last heard, he was back in india and getting married. he invited me but dint follow up with him. met up with rk today. had many many hugs. saw xq last thursday. had many hugs too. i love my old friends. there are more generous with hugs. haha