its all coming back again =(
why am i so princessy
why do i just become angry over small things and when things dont go my way
i felt that his attitude was lousy when i told him to get the dental apptmt
so from then on all things spiraled downwards
obviously he s clueless that im wasnt happy
he went on blabbering abt stuff
so i just canceled our apptmt well excuse was im really tired but more of i just wanted to cancel
and of course he dint realize something was off and dint ask why
so after a long while i asked why he dint need to know why and yea he said he dint see the need to ask why
woah think i just got madder
madder that it s like that madder that i cant deal with myself
why did i allow myself to heat up like that
its all becoming too familiar and how i hate it when it is like that
so it beginning to feel that im better off by myself
becos im still the same fucking bitch
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Monday, May 04, 2009
its not what i think it is is it
its not what i think it is is it
the day started with him messaging if i slept well, told me he dint wanna wake up then the verse of the day. subsequently more msges about his blue day and his lunch. then he asked what i was having for lunch. and "eat somethin even if u have no appetite". well i thought that was sweet. i dont think im overly sensitive but really, will a friend just care so much about his activity buddy??
more text throughout the afternoon. one came in ard 5ish asking if my class has finished. well, i had reached home when i saw that and i thought i will just call him which i did. he sounded surprised and well, was really short <1min but i guess i just wanted to perk him up. a msg came subsequently "U are funny..thank u for the call.." i flirted back and said what funny.. thought i was cute which i honestly thought i was. he replied "....u are so cute!" to which i said "walau its so not convincing" to which he said "Haha no choice la through sms hard to show emotions.. no personal touch but believe me it came deep deep from my heart". well he doesnt really flirt cos i dont think he knows so i do believe what he said. more subsequent text about going for a run tmr which i had said no since he wanted to strengthen his knee in the gym and i said that running on the trackmillwas better for his knees. so i wanted to flirt back to which i said "is your knee better or you want to see me?!..." he replied saying he needed a run, we got to have more run since running out of time (no pun intended from me) and always good to have a company to run with... *EYES ROLLED* so i should just kill myself for flirting like that right??
so how do you conclude this? guess its purely platonic???? am i reading too much into things?? all the msges, all the invites to watch him play golf, soccer, coming by to pick me up to the game and from timbre.... i really dont know how to make out of all the things. they are getting too much for me... really... on my way home just now, i was thinking of how to bring up the topic, want to tell him that i cant take it anymore.. i dont want all the attention he has been giving if he meant it for his activity buddy. i dont work like him.
was breathing so hard while walking home my heart was bleeding too.. why are things so difficult?
the day started with him messaging if i slept well, told me he dint wanna wake up then the verse of the day. subsequently more msges about his blue day and his lunch. then he asked what i was having for lunch. and "eat somethin even if u have no appetite". well i thought that was sweet. i dont think im overly sensitive but really, will a friend just care so much about his activity buddy??
more text throughout the afternoon. one came in ard 5ish asking if my class has finished. well, i had reached home when i saw that and i thought i will just call him which i did. he sounded surprised and well, was really short <1min but i guess i just wanted to perk him up. a msg came subsequently "U are funny..thank u for the call.." i flirted back and said what funny.. thought i was cute which i honestly thought i was. he replied "....u are so cute!" to which i said "walau its so not convincing" to which he said "Haha no choice la through sms hard to show emotions.. no personal touch but believe me it came deep deep from my heart". well he doesnt really flirt cos i dont think he knows so i do believe what he said. more subsequent text about going for a run tmr which i had said no since he wanted to strengthen his knee in the gym and i said that running on the trackmillwas better for his knees. so i wanted to flirt back to which i said "is your knee better or you want to see me?!..." he replied saying he needed a run, we got to have more run since running out of time (no pun intended from me) and always good to have a company to run with... *EYES ROLLED* so i should just kill myself for flirting like that right??
so how do you conclude this? guess its purely platonic???? am i reading too much into things?? all the msges, all the invites to watch him play golf, soccer, coming by to pick me up to the game and from timbre.... i really dont know how to make out of all the things. they are getting too much for me... really... on my way home just now, i was thinking of how to bring up the topic, want to tell him that i cant take it anymore.. i dont want all the attention he has been giving if he meant it for his activity buddy. i dont work like him.
was breathing so hard while walking home my heart was bleeding too.. why are things so difficult?
Sunday, May 03, 2009
activity buddies
feel so happy to see him feel so happy when receiving sms from him feel so happy when he comes to pick me up but somehow all feel like a dream. i dont know what he is thinking cant decipher. he has been a perfect gentleman doesnt try to touch me or get intimate. not that i want that from him but somehow this is the missing piece. so perhaps at the end of it all, he just likes me as an activity buddy and msn buddy. i have to bring myself back to earth. my heart is actually hurting a bit. so its an up and down ride again. i ll be seeing him often so i have to tell myself WE ARE JUST ACTIVITY BUDDIES. its painful.
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