I was humbled

Nicaragua - Hogar Belen - 8.12.06 to 8.19.06

Waking up to the crowings of the rooster and the wailings of the children; the search in the dark because electricity was cut off (periodically); sticky t-shirt clinging onto my body; scratching my limbs, to find 5 new bites each day; fishing toilet paper from the toilet bowl because I was supposed to throw them into a bin so as to avoid clogging the bowl; swearing under my breath because I forgot yet again not to rinse my toothbrush under the tap water; trickling water from the shower head that took me half hour to wash my hair.

It is weird that I am trying to adjust back to my "normal" life. The polluted air in nyc smells so refreshing and clean after all. I had to stop myself from saying "hola" and "gracias" while I was at Wholefoods on Sunday. The days of no more baby wipes and hand sanitizer.

It was a week of reconciliation with myself. For the times that I did volunteering, I had many moments of weakness. It was no exception this time round. I was not able to accept the so called misery that I saw. I broke down uncontrollably because I could not understand why these children were not having the love and care that I had when I was their age. I felt helpless. I felt that my week there with them would not be making a difference to their lives.

My team mate Ken shared with me. He told me to see it as a humbling experience, that we human beings are limited. There is a greater person who is in charge. I was glad that I shared with him.

There were some kids that were always picked up by us because they are cute and cuddly. That was me initially. However, I made a buddy at the end. Jason lost an eye and has mild cerebral paralysis. He was chained up to a chair before he was brought to the home. I noticed Jason on his bed. No one bothered him much. I saw the caretaker wheeling him for his meals. No one takes him for a walk. I asked if he could walk. She said yes. I went to his bed and started talking to him, trying to get him to respond to me. Slowly, he leaned over and took my hands. I was over-whelmed by his strength. I had to free my hands from his, as I could hear them cracking under the force. He left bruises on my hands.

The next day, I went over to him again. He responded to my clappings. His face had a smile and he reached out to my hands, twisting them again for familiarity. This time, I carried him off his bed and put him on his feet. I said to him, Jason, walk. You can walk. You can walk. Slowly we made our way to a chair, where he leaned against my body and played with my hands.

On Friday, I decided that I was going to take him for a little adventure. I asked the caretaker for shoes. The shoes fitting session was cute. After fitting on the sandels for him, Jason lifted his right leg to his face. I think he was trying to see and feel the thing on his foot. I stopped him from bitting the sandel. We started out on our walk. It was as if he was walking on ice. He slipped a few times. Slowly, he grew accustomed to the shoes on him and we made our way to the swing where I placed him on it and we enjoyed our quiet morning together.

Another powerful encounter was at Chureka. This is a dump site, where there are communities living there. We were there to hand out supplies to the single mothers, who came in troops with their children. It was a sight. It was the epitome of survival skills. I caught myself holding my breath. There was no way I could have survived in that condition. The air smelt of waste and ash. Everything looked grey, including the kids. Most of them had no clothes on. Their skin was grey. I could see some form of skin condition on them. But they all had big eyes and as our eyes met, we found ourselves smiling at one another. I was in charge of handling out baby clothes. It became a clothes fitting session, which became hell lots of fun.

Our van took us around the site. There were many vultures. A truck came to load the trash and adults and kids alike raced to the truck. As our van drove out of the dump, we were all in deep thoughts. The van made a turn and civilization welcomed us. The dump seemed so unreal.