i dont belong here anymore

i dont seem to get meaningful conversations any more.

over lunch with 2 coworkers who are married, we talked about weekend plans. single me is supposed to shed light on their pretty mundane lives. i dint have much to offer- its a city life afterall, even if its new york. they started talking about their husbands, other peoples' lives, how most of their friends are divorced. they went on to say its not something they dont see happening to themselves down the road. one is married close to 20 years, the other just over 2 years. not sure which part of me got provoked, i simply exclaimed that is not the way. it probably sounded damn idealistic cos both said i dont understand and wont know until im in the situation. i continued to defend my stand and interupted them. to me, they dont know what they are talking about. because they do not have god in their lives. it was as simple as that to me.

over the trip in chicago, not sure how the conversation with morgan and friends led from their health insurance to the pills. not viagra but contraceptive pills, since all were girls apart from one. one after one started chipping in about where or how you can get them. i tuned off. i remembered reading in the papers about the % of students affected by the change. the statistics were stunning. i remembered feeling disgusted, by the %, as well as horrified. am i in denial? am i alone in my own world? is this the lesser of the 2 evils, the other being abortion. anyway, i dint voice my opinion- these people were strangers afterall.

but this is the lives of everyone. its very disillusional. i feel out of this world, as if i dont belong here anymore.