Saltwater-Julian Lennon

oh man, i sang this in sec 1. that was in 1993.

happiness- action and contemplation

i went on a retreat over the weekend. will write more about it later, probably. for now, its the reflection on sunday's reading.

sunday's reading was about mary and martha- luke 10:38-42. in short, mary sat at jesus' feet and listened to him speak, while martha busied herself with the serving. she was reprimanded "martha, martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. there is need of only one thing. mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her."

im like martha- constantly running around. my life is so activity-driven. at the end of the day, i am still feeling empty, lonely, unfulfilled.

"in order for people to find meaning in their lives, they should stop running and turn to God in solitude, silence and prayer."

"happiness consists in knowing what you want and then knowing you have it or are on the way to getting it. most people are unhappy cos they dont know what they want. we have to know ourselves in order to know what we want. and it is only when we see ourselves reflected back in the all-loving eyes of God that we truly know ourselves. only then do we know that 'our hearts are made for You, O Lord, and they will not rest until they rest in You.' in silence we come to know ourselves and know what we truly want. and the doorway to happiness opens."

Action must be balanced with contemplation.

how wonderful. anways, im "GLOWING" from the retreat. it will not last i know, cos life is still a constant struggle, no less. but i ll try.

creep!

i really think that j is such a creep. he knows of things in the pipeline cos i know he keeps his ears open and likes to go ard chit-chatting. so he came out of one room just now. vps sit in rooms. he has no official business in that room i know. it was probably just to chit chat. i dint mean to be there. was trying to catch the pple who was going to go in. and he came out then. he has that funny look on his face. probably too much gossips overflowing his small brain. such a creep.

he s kinda gay. maybe he ll tell me one day when we are no longer coworkers.

blabber

my plan to go home this year is kinda crushed. went for an interview some weeks back with some hf that was recruiting for the spore office. the interviewer was a huge asshole and i gave a bad interview. i think he has some korean blood in him. well, i have said before that koreans are my downfalls- though they are the kind of look that i like: small eyes.

that s the not point. im kinda tired and dont know how to go on from here. to get a new job means that i have to stay longer in ny which means that im not going home yet which means that this is not what i really want. i asked that friend who has gone home for good how he knew it was time to leave. he said circumstances would be pointing to one direction- you ll just know. i guess i was hoping that everything would be pointing east for me so that i can pack up and leave *disappear* *yay* but sadly not the case for me. this is why im troubled.

heading for a retreat this weekend. something that i struggled to decide becos its jeff's bbq this sat and i was looking forward to go for the longest time. oh well. life. but the retreat will probably be worth it, i hope. saw the schedule and there seemed to be many sharings. my mind is blank and it has been so for a while. what if i have nothing to share??

i think im turning dumber by staying in this job and staying in ny.

foodie me

such a foodie right. found these 2 pictures of me taken by a friend. i was probably posing for the pictures but i was sure excited. ice cream cake! coldstone ice-cream cake!!

addiction

i cant explain my crazy addiction to sushi. the spicy tuna roll at morimoto was huge- check out the size. the rest of the sushi too. however, i need to declare sushi of gari as the winner. they have the best rolls.

morimoto is the iron chef, btw.

bbq

we had a bbq on sat for jack's going away. actually, its his home-coming- back to singapore for good. when will i know its time to quit ny? im struggling to make a decision.

spicy tuna roll

spicy tuna roll at sushi of gari. its so addictive.

love generation

so that i ll remember

Shiawase na Ketsumatsu- by Ohtaki Eiichi

love generation- think this was my first japanese drama. fell in love with the song and of course with the main female character riko. someone ever so bubbly.

Shiawase na Ketsumatsu

Newport, RI

was at newport, RI over the weekend. nothing memorable or un-memorable. the company was good, to my surprise. guess the best part was the Newport Vineyard- they are the largest in New England. bought 3 bottles- newport reisling (this is unbelivably good), rose white merlot and great white. i dont like reds anymore. they seem like acquired taste for me now. realized that i only drink them when im moody. semi-dry whites are my fave now. blush wines are good for a change too.

so fucked up

you yearn for things that you cant get. so you know what my biggest yearning is? i really really want to travel so much. i m not doing as much as i wish i am or had. i think one of the biggest regret when i leave this place is that i did not go to as many places as i could have. and its so frustrating because its not that i dont have the money or the time. i dont have a traveling buddy so things are just so out of my control. i get frustrated over things that i have no control over. so sad.. really.. i get depressed over this fact. if only im dumb and not exposed to what the world can offer. if only i dont have the money or that im a stingy introvert who only likes to stay at home and keep my money in the bank. what a fuckup world.

7/4 fireworks

caught the macy's fireworks for the first time. everyone says that its spectacular and its like nothing they have seen before. well, it was indeed fun. i went with a couple so i was watching it by myself in some way. but this was just like the magical night i had skating at Rockefeller's- a magical moment that i lost myself. there wasnt any need to be around anyone. i fixated the sky, not blinking much cos i dint want to risk missing out on stuff. not to miss the point here, but the boom-boom-booms captivated me, more so than the displays.

i had a thought. shouldnt life be like a sparkle, with a huge and thundering impact, though momentous? who cares for eternity if its drifting along quietly?