blabber

my plan to go home this year is kinda crushed. went for an interview some weeks back with some hf that was recruiting for the spore office. the interviewer was a huge asshole and i gave a bad interview. i think he has some korean blood in him. well, i have said before that koreans are my downfalls- though they are the kind of look that i like: small eyes.

that s the not point. im kinda tired and dont know how to go on from here. to get a new job means that i have to stay longer in ny which means that im not going home yet which means that this is not what i really want. i asked that friend who has gone home for good how he knew it was time to leave. he said circumstances would be pointing to one direction- you ll just know. i guess i was hoping that everything would be pointing east for me so that i can pack up and leave *disappear* *yay* but sadly not the case for me. this is why im troubled.

heading for a retreat this weekend. something that i struggled to decide becos its jeff's bbq this sat and i was looking forward to go for the longest time. oh well. life. but the retreat will probably be worth it, i hope. saw the schedule and there seemed to be many sharings. my mind is blank and it has been so for a while. what if i have nothing to share??

i think im turning dumber by staying in this job and staying in ny.