i was stung and it hurts

she did it again.

a call came and i was asked if i want to go for a free screening. i was home but i said yes. next qn from me was if bf was going too. reply was oh precisely he cldnt.. i was quiet for 2 seconds cos i dint know how to react exactly. i dint know what to think.. actually not really.. my mind was going in a direction that i dint want to go. it was telling me- oh so im the backup plan. that hurts. geez. but im not supposed to think in that way right? i have a choice right? i can stay home and not go. so if i want to be the backup i cant complain right?

i went nevertheless. it was alright. but of course i could quote small exchanges that i dint think i deserve the treatment given. like how i dint recognize the actor and made a remark an hour into the film so an exaggerated unbelief came from her, which i thought was totally uncalled for.

ultimatum- bf still dint turn up when the screening was done. she called and sweetly said she wld go by his office to wait. from her replies to him, bf was asking her to go home with me, to which she said-ah its fine, she can go back first. she sweetly asked if he had dinner and was going to get porridge for him. knowing that, and not wanting to hang around, since we were not going back together anyway, i tapped on her shoulder, gave a bright smile, and said bye.

my brain was in a turmoil. my heart bleeding. i wanted to cry but my eyes were dry. it was too painful. the backup was done for the day, why would i still need her to hang around?

i have stopped being possesive cos she said i was. i have hardened my heart from all previous incidents. but im not a smart dog who knows old tricks well. i will try not to care. i promise i ll try.