tsaur and carey

my friend is going back to taipei, not for good but for a break from the real world. she quit her job in mar and we have met up a couple of times since then. i was hoping to see a radiant her, but that was not what i got. today over lunch, she looked tired too and amist the conversation, she seemed "lost". i guess it more of the uncertainty of her future, rather than not knowing what she wants. behold me friend! something good in waiting for you =)

morgan wrote to me! she will be in chicago for her grad school. looking back, im so lucky to have her as my housemate. and from her email, she sounded really settled and excited for a new phase of her life come summer. awesome!

kevin and i

had such an interesting exchange with kevin that i must blog it.

Kevin says:what happen to color
Kevin says:you always have funny/confusing messages
Kevin says:lol
..... says:was all pretty and color coordinated yesterday but dint help to raise my mood
..... says:really?
Kevin says:I was going to ask about garbagy medication or meditation
..... says:i do all sort of superficial things to cheer myself up
..... says:that is a song by gabarge
..... says:gabarge is a singer
Kevin says:a
..... says:garbage
..... says:misspelt
Kevin says:I thought you were cleaning your house or something
Kevin says:lol
Kevin says:if I am all pretty, I probably will feel good
..... says:haha
..... says:i tot so too!
..... says:but i dint
..... says:cos maybe no cuties here to check me out
Kevin says:anything in particular made your depressed
..... says:nothing, just work and life
Kevin says:ah
Kevin says:right
..... says:wat s new right
Kevin says:if no one checks me out when I am pretty, I probably will get upset
..... says:yes ! thanks for agreeing w me !!
Kevin says:just like when I go shopping, if I end up did not buy anything, I will be really moody
..... says:haha
Kevin says:and it will be worse if whoever went with me found something
Kevin says:hell break loose
Kevin says:lol
..... says:haha you are crap
Kevin says:seriously
Kevin says:I think I am early stage shopping addicive
Kevin says:I am better now

yardstick of true love

well done LL, she has just moved up one notch the expectation of my future bf, if one will ever appear.

the story is: if a naked gal stripes in front of him and he does not react (no pun intended), that cld be a sign of his love. the naked gal is not ugly nor fat.

spontaneously messed up

color coordinated day- blue bottom with checked short sleeved top, that has light blue, pink and maroon as checks. a blue a&f sweater over that, complete with pearls and maroon shoes that have bows on them. im always color coordinated so this is no news.

the day dint start too well. he talked to me in caps which i cant deal.

the effect snowballed into lunch.

spontaneously asked ting out for lunch and she obliged though she brought her lunch. the cheesecake lifted me up but once we parted, the walk along 42nd st back to office was miserable.

boby was in his mood. freaking un-cooperative. words were exchanged, over st luckily.

staff gave me something that was less than perfect which i threw back for her to redo.

sponteneously decided to go skiing this weekend, which i hope wont be a disaster.

got back results which is failed.

maybe this is why im so low today.

have not told anyone. what s the biggie? just have to re-take *PUKED*

un-unhappy

not going to dwell on myself further, in fact i havent been doing it. that s why i seemed happier. but once i started thinking, i realized that no, im not as happy as i would love myself to be. but there seems no one to talk to, cos everyone is busy and burnt out so what s new?

teck

teck flew in for a business dinner and we met up for supper. brought him to Cafe Lalo. it has only been months that we last met but things are so different now. the keywords from him last night were "commitment" and "moving in together". In all, these words were probably repeated >5x each. he is definitely happy, i thought i sensed that though he looked exhausted and jet-lagged perhaps. but he seemed almost too scardy that it wont be a "happily together ever after" ending. im sure it will be, if they are meant for each other.

im tired. very burnt out from all the late nights. the insomnia at night continues.

teck has asked about my vacation plans. beary did the same thing just now. i said 'nothing'.

do they both not know that its hard to plan something on my own? especially beary, i hope that he realizes that and will learn to appreciate how much kevin loves him.

spring 2006

ting passed me a bouquet of tulips. they are blooming. spring is here. cant wait for 3/31 to come.

what a friend

i broke my vow not to swear.

crasygracie KNS what s up with you why your bday you also so paiseh to tell me
crasygracie im v andgry w you now
bobi huh?
bobi bt blur....
crasygracie how come im not invited to the dinner
bobi err....
bobi cos u din know?
crasygracie ok
crasygracie thanks
bobi and i didn't tell the whole world its my b'dae.
bobi u dun announce to everyone that its ur b'dae rite?
crasygracie yea now i know how impt im
crasygracie thanks
bobi at least i dun do that.
bobi eh, what's that supp to mean?
crasygracie nothing, not invited to the dinner. that s all. thanks for helping me save money
bobi win lor....
bobi anyway, it wasn't much of a b'dae... i still came back to work.
bobi if u want to think like that of me, i've nothing to say.
crasygracie its weird that im not invited that s all
crasygracie i tot im ok as a friend
bobi i don't even know who is going....
bobi i din plan my own b'dae dinner...
bobi and those that went are those who oredi know its my b'dae since last year.
bobi you definately are okie as a fren.
crasygracie ...
crasygracie just made me kns
crasygracie KNS
bobi ...........

brrreeeak

the company has emailed a screaming mail- to get us to plan for our vacation.

im totally lost, sigh.

the world is my playground but i have no playmates.

frivolous frills

i found my mousse! yes its my hair mousse. not a mouse nor chocolate mousse.

it kinda made my day, though making konnyaku jellies last night took off some steam from me. so found it in Butterfly Studio, which is the Kerastase Flagship store in nyc.

i shared my excitment with one of my friends. said i had something frivolous to share. but his reply to me was "not firvolous if it makes you happy".

awww, thought this was a really sweet reply *blush*

blinking nothing

i dont know why im upset over him. was about to leave yesterday and he st me. maybe he wanted to follow up with the engagement issue, i m not sure. i said hi. he dint reply. had to leave to go for sushi so i asked if he s still there. no reply. then i said i was leaving. he finally replied with 'k'. i was mad, no idea why. so i said oh you are there. so wassup? no reply. i typed ??. no reply. i left.

this morning, st was blinking when i came in. it said 'nothing'.

over dinner last night, the keyword i got from andy was "SECOND GUESSING". we are all trying to second guess one another. m second guessing me and me second guessing j. its all screwed up.

overall verdict for Blue Ribbon Sushi was good. the decor is nice. i like it. the sushi was very fresh, but it dint have the 'melt in the mouth' feeling. and they could have been bigger for the price tag they carried. oh well, 1 down. a few more sushi restaurants to be conquered for me. cant wait.

food is the highlight of my life now.

to stay or to go

my brows are tied now. i dunno what to do. i have to make a decision whether to stay on with an engagement.

to stay:
- i can handle it.
- i dont want to roll off engagements after 1 yr, which will be the second time if i do it. not sure if this has any repercussion on my so-called career w the company.
- i like working w e s.manager.
- risk of getting another shittier job.
- feel that im the sacrificial lamb to quit so that life for others will be less complicating, therefore, im wanting to stay on.
- it wasnt that bad working with her.

not to stay:
- the manager is a sporean.
- try other clients.
- im told that i ll be better off if rolled off.
- feel unwanted, if i choose to think of things that way. but of course, no one is indispensible in every freaking organisation.
- seems like i ll help to untangle the complicating situation.
- it was bad working with them with the background information i have about them.
- he s a friend. that s what he said. he s my friend, not my boss.
- she s a friend too.
- doesnt matter cos i already have the game plan to leave!!!

i dunno how. lousy friday to have to make a decision.

mustard seed

Inspired by the healing and caring ministry of Jesus Christ,
We aim through the positive interaction of Caring, Sharing and Training,
To uplift the most vulnerable members of society,
Especially disabled and abandoned
Children and marginalised communities.
We are committed to the fostering of homes and Communities
Which will lead us all to loving service and mutual respect
And which will bring us joy, hope and dignity.

this is the mission statement of Mustard Seed Communities. im embarking on the project to hogar belen- spanish for Bethlehem Home. my darkest fear right now is that something screws up and i cant make it.

ash wednesday

today is ash wednesday. i was upset with myself for sleeping till 745am as i had wanted to attend the 730am service. nevertheless, i made it for the lunchtime mass.

it is of course not just about attending the service and walking around with the cross on my forehead. today is a day of fast and abstinence. but gee... its so hard to fast. normally, i can go without food for the day, when im not in the mood, or just swamped with work. but today, time seems to be ticking by real slowly and im just tempted by snacks from co-workers and dinner requests. ive just placed my order for dinner - veg with beancurd soup. hmm..

today marks the start of the lenten season. for the past 4 years, i have not been able to do what i would like to: attend the stations of the cross and spend more time reading the bible and praying. work has been the focus of the past years during this period, since its the busy season. so for this year, im not sure how i can make it for the stations of the cross on fridays at 5pm.

its weird that while typing this out, saying how it cant be done and blah. but the back of my mind is simply shouting: IT CAN BE DONE! IT IS UP TO YOURSELF TO MAKE THE DECISION. i am quite a weakling, have to admit. never thought that i m like that, not going for things that my heart is yearning for.

erm. so grace, what s your decision?

dawg education

Jesse Shapiro was sup slim?
memememememe jesse!
Jesse Shapiro what up dog?
memememememe dont understand you
Jesse Shapiro ommon american expression
Jesse Shapiro "whats up dog?
Jesse Shapiro "
Jesse Shapiro dog = my buddy
Jesse Shapiro say it to people in the office
Jesse Shapiro they will understand
memememememe i see
memememememe wat s up doggie
Jesse Shapiro not doggie
Jesse Shapiro its really "dawg"
memememememe that s my slang :)
Jesse Shapiro doggie?
Jesse Shapiro i see
memememememe now i see

think i sounded silly. but im not too interested to learn all these slangs, unlike him, who is trying to sound singlish when talking to me at times.

but i cracked at my own silliness. good break for the afternoon. have been pulling a black face, as commented by bobby. its pms i concluded.