pile of shit

when i saw him again tonight after a long while, its the same feeling that i got previously. but ive become really good at hiding my emotions. at the highest level now. i can act non-chalent about things but its turmoil inside me. just like when i become dis-interested in things/ conversations, i can still look very attentive and engaged when i have totally switched off.

its just a weird feeling to have. he s not anyone dashing; pretty normal guy. but somehow, he attracts me. sad thing is that i dont see anyone, who is un-attached, like him around me. big sigh. i only know that i should stay away from him.

its a working weekend. happened to be following the blog of someone whom i was working for but have since left the company. he s very meticulous in keeping his blog, just falling short of updating the whole world about his interesting life each minute. so he s kinda leading a high life now; new career, fine dining, checking out cool places. on the flip side, i ll look at the 3 people, including me, taking over the engagement that he did not wrap up prior to leaving the firm. people who are clearing shit (that he left behind) till past midnight, burning weekends while he s checking out the colorful nyc.

im not sure, but he sure does put things into perspective for me. wat the fuck am i working so hard for???