void

I know that it was going to be like this that s why i didnt allow myself to get close to him and kept a distance. it happened the very first time jia came by last new year. it took me a week to get over the fact that im alone, after she returned to london. subsequently, many friends visited and it was all fun and laughter to check out ny together. but i ll take a few days to adjust myself after they are gone. i hate the roller coaster rides that i have to take.

so lukas is gone now. and ting will be returning on sun, after which she will go home and i ll be by myself again. not that i am that generous with my time with them when they are around. but on the other hand, i know that im stopping myself to get attached to anyone so that i wont have to adjust.

i was touched and upset to see the bear on my bed. touched cos i didnt expect that. upset cos i regretted not doing more. im just so contradicting that i hate myself. but i like the bear, cos the ribbon is green and it has red polka dots! im this superficial.