sitting.waiting.wishing

this is jack johnson's song but its a good title. it describes my life in full. there is a looming deadline today but i have no motivation. i think my funds are kinda done. im pretty comfortable with things. and im dead tired so i cant find the energy to be very driven today. totally missed the alarm for the past two days that i thought that it wasnt working anymore. so i woke up at 7am in panic today, cos i wanted to go for the gym lesson which was at 7am. i tested the alarm, yes it is still working so i guessed i must have been too tired to not hear it. made it to the gym and sweat myself all out. was good, as usual. though it is much nicer to jog in the park now but i figured that the air after 7am will be polluted since there will be traffic in the park then, so i hit the gym instead.

i need a blue sky vacation- another line from daniel powter's bad day. i seriously need one. have not had a proper break since beginning of the year. think i ll try to fight for 2 weeks break before the next job starts.

i panicked last night. had a great fear of the unknown of my future. i called ting and blabbered nonsense. i guessed i needed her to calm me down, though she would not be in the best position to offer me great advice since our career path is so different. im holding out for more time, once again since i have not received the receipt yet. and i st h today but he mysteriously disappeared so i guess im postponing the showdown to tomorrow. doubt there is any turning back at this point in time but i need assurance from people badly- that it is cool to make the move, that im not being foolish, that im not heading the wrong direction. oh well, it is really thinking aloud to rationalize my case. it sucks to get away from status quo. but if i stay on, i may start to grumble yet again and will be so curious of what i am missing out. why am i so contradictory?

i hope no one is reading this entry cos im blabbering and i think my english sucks.