disappointment

i have been wanting to race out of singapore. actually listed the many possible ones- in phuket, bj, melb. i bugged lb once to let me know if she s going to go this year. she said she ll let me know. i went to cam and came back and had to decide on some dates and text her again. no reply. i took my chance and asked lk and he agreed. good for me. was scrolling through the list of participants today and saw lb's name. i was very disappointed and somewhat betrayed. i think the disappointment was so high that i wanted to cry and would have if im in the low cycle now. well not that it was not expected of her to be so haphazard. i have always felt the friendship to be quite awkward. she s always interested to find out more about what im doing and i ll ask her. i dont think she holds back on what she wants to let me know. maybe she does not sure. i dont know what to say. it is not as if i dint expect her to pull such a stunt but i guess i was still caught off-guard. very disappointment. well no childish act on my part. if we meet there, i ll still say hi. if perhaps leading up to the race, she ll ask me to go run together and i wont say no unless i cant make it. i just know no more faith in this friendship going forward.