a test

im trying to reconcile inside myself.

train of thought was... i checked his arms, it says he s taking vacation for the later part and some days next week... hmm.. this coincides with passover, dont tell me he s jewish, but its fine... so what he s jewish... then i fought off the temptation to st ll to confirm my 'fear'.. i won the battle. dint st ll.. then i told him to come by my seat so that we can introduce ourselves...indeed he is jewish... we talked... he got defensive... i controled myself... stayed as nice... but the more we talked.. the more i felt the negativity inside him... no, im the first face he has seen for this engagement... nope.. no one has time to talk to me.. oh you guys had a meeting.. see no one included me... so i was like where do you sit.. on the 9th flr... then why dont you try getting a seat on 28th... they wont give me any seat. for the past 2 years, 2 YEArs, i have tried and nope, they refused to grant me a seat... more and more ..... oh no...

is this like a test of my patience and how i will be able to turn a person ard? maybe he just needs more love. i always think that pple with low self-esteem can be turned ard with love and attention. hope that i am right.

breathe. glup. breathe.