"year year got fish"

cousin bernard told me something nice today. he said that my presence was missed and that it was strange to not see me "occupy that seat in granny's house".

lily and family were generous to invite us to their restaurant for reunion dinner. food seemed better last year, but the company was definitely more wholesome this year.

karaoke at Sing Sing. my friends can really sing and im not the only one who loves jay =)

think this entry seems rather mundane, im like back-dating what i have done. not my usual style of writing. but been so busy w work that i have no time to blog.

anyway, went for yu-sheng at Sentosa with Andy and Lily on the first day of CNY. lily was amazing. she was supposed to toss the yu sheng up but from the side view, where i was sitting, i saw it go across to andy and the sashimi landed on andy and the table. bleugh. heh. a really memorable yu sheng meal for us.

king of chickens

Me: tell james that fowler is back!!!
I m turning 26 TOMORROW!!! says: forwarded your msg..
Me: haha
Me: do you know who he is?
I m turning 26 TOMORROW!!! says: erm... fowl=chick..... so fowler=king of chickens???

this is sensational, yet again. just like how gerrad did the u-turn last year.

working hard or hardly working

been really busy at work. this is nothing new i guess.

andy is in ny now. this is as if someone from my past just walked back into my life. oh well. and i wasnt prepared for it.

15th was to Jing Fong for dim sum
22nd was to Golden Unicorn for dim sum.

seems like its a chinese thing to meet for dim sum in ny; brunch isnt the first thing that my friends will think of.

watched match point finally. made me more infatuated with the british accent.

lunch with the clients from london yesterday. sigh. 1 of them is so cute. have already noticed him while in london. im no desperado here but just something more refreshing for me. and its my first kosher restaurant at La Carne Grill. wasnt as disastrous as i thought.

there s more foodie outing next week. cant wait. food will be my only highlights for these few months.

recovering

im still recovering from the hurt. dint know that it will hurt so much. caught myself by surprise.

words that will be ringing in my mind for the next few days to come:
- possessive
- hei nian
- "problems lie with me"

cant think now. moving on.

looks like im definitely not ready for relationships if i extraopolate this episode.

such a flirt

ooh ooh i really really love the british accent. just finished the call to the client in london and omg, it was so nice to flirt with him with his brit accent. so refreshing. and of course i totally love the way these bunch of men dressed-- striped pants and shirts with patterns and cuffs and of course- brown POINTY leather shoes.

ok perhaps this will make my day!

paranoia in full blast

my new neighbour is either ecentric or paranoid. he locks his drawers each time he steps away. initially, i took no notice of it but the sound of the act gets to me after 2 days. of course i dint turn around to peer. that would have been rude. but he seems to be carrying around a large chunk of keys, from the sound of things. if im him, i will definitely
(1) forget to lock;
(2) forget to unlock and will curse when i try opening the locked drawers.

thus, im thoroughly amused that he s so good at it. actually, i may have caused it. cos i swaped his chair while he was not around. heh..

he deserves good things

bt is really a nice man. very encouraging, very positive (or rather, ah-Q, my nick for him), very simple, very patient. something good must be waiting for him at the end of all these, if they have not already been happening to him.

he is keeping me sane and is my pillar of strength.

the story of being jet-lagged

on the business trip to london, i reached there on sat for the engagement starting on the following mon. on tues morning, we scheduled a morning meeting with the client. i sat through it, blinking my eyes furiously to keep them from shutting, pinched myself many times discreetly to stay focus. the killer part was when he said, ok now i shall allow grace to walk us through the recs. i looked at him, blinked once and steadied myself twice. i was caught off-guard, definitely. so i bull-shit, mentioned vague things, hoping that the client can elaborate and take things off. not sure if he did, cos even if he did, my mind started drifting once again, and i kept drinking water to stay awake and scribbled illegible notes.

this was me when i was jet-lagged.

so im screwed big time now. had no time to finish up the narrative from that trip in sept 05! had to submit them now. so im figeting in my chair, typing and backspacing. screwed screwed screwed... how did i end up this way?

maid in manhattan

this was me today, working shift from 10am to 5pm. im disgusted yet amused that my house was actually so dirty. as julia called it-- dust floss. not only was there dust, the extent was so bad that they had become dust floss.

i finally cleaned up my blinds, something that i set to do in jan 2005 heh. now you can touch them without leaving your fingerprints behind.

dinner with weihong and andy and lily was good. better than yesterday's i guess.

first pig-out

had the first pig out for 2006 since im back, with lily. we went to Tabla for lunch. im never particularly interested in indian food cos i hate coconut milk and the thick gravy. but tabla did quite a good job. then again, all food taste real good when they are intially served cos they are still whipping hot. we had 2 thalis, indian vegetables and fish.

im making a conscious effort to jot down all these dining experiences cos this is partly how i define ny.

if only i brought my camera with me. the setting was nice, though not unique.

ignorance is bliss

tonight was disastrous.

firstly there were 3 of us so throughout the dinner, she was basically talking to him who was sitting opposite her. dint think she meant to do that, but i did feel that my presence was neglected. and something about her that i noticed and disliked: whenever anyone mentioned anything, her next reply will be: oh mine is blah blah blah. whoever is interested to know what you have to say? its just like lester making a kind comment to chielee previously. whenever he says something abt someone else, chielee has the tendency to speak about herself. it would just seem abrupt and almost too eager to share.

secondly, there are many new characters in her life and you realized that you have been left out totally of her new life. dint expect to get to know these people. but it just sucks to know that you know zilch.

thirdly, ooh she s dating someone now. no one new but its a we-are-back relationship with the ex. i was supposedly told but the fact was that i was not! there was no further comment to let me in on what exactly happened.

fourthly, she s just such a disagreeable bitch. nothing i say is music to her ears. while lining up for our dessert and he made a comment that my coach bag is nice. he meant to suan her by saying that she wont look good carrying it though. but i simply told him, oh its cool. cos i dont think she likes MY bag, so it doesnt matter if she can carry it off.

its tiring. could be a mismatch of expectations here but im no longer disillusioned. know very clearly how the friendship stands and how much effort im going to put in to hold it out.

had Veniero's for dessert: chocolate mousse cake, ny cheesecake, fruit tart and cafe latte. wasnt fantastic. wanted crooked tree. was so so craving for their crepes... nutella with strawberries... YUM but they were closed, surprisingly. hope that its not for good.

im definitely upset, about her and the crooked tree.

a calling vs a vocation

(1) get a new job in ny?
(2) get a new job in another country?
(3) go home, and get a new job of course.
(4) end of this year?

im very lost, have come to a crossroad once again. sometimes when i listen to the homily preached, i ll tuned out cos nothing seems to go in. on the other hand, there are many instances when the priest will be talking about things that are on my mind. yesterday was the case. he talked about the difference between a vocation and a calling. specifically, a calling to do God's will, and this is not necessarily the same as a vocation. for eg, it can be a calling to do more volunteer work or make it part of your career, if you can touch people.

so here i am, a very lost sheep. i ll be listening for his soft promptings.

back

im back! had a grruesome flight. im swearing off all other airlines, apart from SQ. they are the best, at least they put in some effort to serve a decent meal. and my neck is all sore from the flight. pain.

think i could be crazy. reached on tues and made a tremendous effort to fight the jet-lag to do some revision for the paper yesterday. the paper dint go too well, as expected. after the paper, i hit the gym, groceries shopping and cooked dinner. thought that i ll have an early night, but ended up unpacking, cleaning up the house. its weird that there are things lying around in the house, but the new housemate doesnt know how to take the initiative to pick them up. oh well..

i dont have my monthly subway pass, so i did what i love to do- walk. so i walked from 34th st back home after my paper. it was the first walk after a while. i had the feeling that i was glad to be back in ny. yesterday's weather was cooling. i kinda breathed in the air, looked far ahead while walking and got myself immersed in the black sea of people (cos nyorkers seem to like black coats) and the yellow vehicles (cabs per se), at times, awakened by the rude shuffling of people against my bag.

so im back. back to a place that i love i think. back to my own life. back to days without dinners cooked ready for me.

but i seem so not ready to be back. the first day back to office, i forgot about my office pass.

it was as if its xmas today. we were all exchanging gifts that we bought from our separate vacations. lily had 3 different kind of marzipans for me; beary had a gift for me from paris and my LV bag, to be delivered over the weekend! i was distributing stuffs too. just a weird feeling.

think im crapping away cos i dont wish to be working.

its sad that i dont have the let free kind of feeling after taking the papers. will i have the energy to re-take them? kinda discouraged.

wedding invite

just received a text message from a friend, or rather an acquaintance from college. she will be holding her wedding reception at some date in march and is asking me to confirm my attendance. wondering what she was thinking. probably that was a mass text message sent to everyone in her phone list. isnt a wedding something sacred, beautiful, once-a-lifetime event to behold? something that you only want your family and close friends to be part of. why is she inviting somewho no less than a stranger, someone who probably doesnt know how to share in her joy, doesnt really want to waste hours to mingle with the crowd, and go up to the couple to give blessings and then awkward silence. if she is sending out her invitation through a text message, it already signifies the relationship between her and the invitees. so what is her point of the whole thing? bleugh.

behind the window grills

nothing has changed. no idea why i thought that things at home would have changed in my absence. actually im being irresponsible and walking away, hoping that things that i dislike will be changed.

he still doesnt use the washing machine to wash clothes. he still wakes up in the middle of the night to wash them. does he know that it hurts me a lot to see him do that? but im not filial enough to take some actions for things to improve. the only thing that i ever did was to watch him and clown around for 2 mins; fruitless efforts to wake him up from his slumber so that he can get the chores done and have a better rest then. that s about it. fixed idea that hand-washing is cleaner than machine-operated wash, something that i am not able to change. she continues to entertain the endless calls from the shop when she is not at the stop. she has literally sold her soul to the shop. this isnt something that she doesnt know cos i have endlessly shouted and screamed at her for doing something that isnt worth it at all. those people are useless and dumb, pardon me for my harshness but when i have to pick up their calls, i ll answer curtly, she s not in, and slam down the phone. wtf. why cant they just disappear from the surface of the earth, unless they can make themselves more usefel. parasites and leeches, scram. cant deal.

somehow my hands are tied. or perhaps i have not tried harder to make life easier for them. i dunno. are they truly happy? im not really sure. they have pinned all their hopes on us so their lives do not matter any more. or perhaps they are simple people and they can and are willing to take hardships cos in the first place, it s no big deal to them.

its sickening to think further cos nothing will change the situation, not at least in the near future. nothing in today's recruit attracted me to lure me back home.

shopping spree

today was my errands-running day. also did some shopping, hopping to find some deals. i think i have changed. was in a shop and tried on some skirts, preparing for the spring/summer to come :) but i realized i stood really long in the changing room, fully dressed. i loved both the skirts i tried on but i was indecisive. firstly, i DONT need any more freaking clothes. secondly, it will be MONTHS before i can wear them. i caught myself by surprise; all these thought-processes, this wasnt something about myself that i recognized. also, i dont mind recycling the same clothes in one week now. for e.g., i could be wearing the same pair of pants on mon and fri in the week, something that i wont never do previously, as if it was a taboo thing to do. can it be there isnt any cuties at work for me to parade around? think its more that im not looking around and thus, not making much effort to look cute everyday. it could be the weather too. its so gloomy and dready during winter that i dont have the mood to mix and match clothes. in any case, think its a good change. and anyways, i bought both skirts, heh.. oh well, its hard to change overnight.

had ding tai feng for dinner. woah, dint know that they are rated #1 in taipei and rave reviews overseas too. brought back fond memories of the taipei days. me and jy refused to be detered by the long line and went back the next time and got to eat our la mein and xiaolongbao.

homestyle steamboat... ingredients

 
had this on 1.1.06 though no chance to put it up earlier. 

quit ny

the previous entry on 'my 2005' was a happy highlight of my 2005. it was kinda misleading cos it only reflected one part of it. im forgetful. i forgot how miserable i was too; the dark periods that i went through. now its 2006. not that im still stuck in my past and have not moved on but its home alone now and its night-time. im scared.

hhah im laughing at myself. im really a small and frightful child. not sure what gave me the courage to want to venture out of home. no one saw the down and frightful and teary days. nights that were just between me and my quilt blanket and comfort (no pun intended heh) that god is above looking down at me. not that i have no faith, but i dont exactly see him; a child-like faith that he is indeed there.

now its home alone; sudden thought of going back to ny next week is striking fear and panic into me. and this is something that i cant confide in my parents. cos was it not my own "foolishness" a year ago when i refused to budge from my decision to go abroad?

when will it be time to come home, for good? wish i know how to quit ny, heh like how jack twist said "wish i know how to quit you (ennis)".

give up

its so crappy ive been staying at home and studying all day long. now its night time at 817pm the brain has refused to accept any more numbers, crap accounting terms and concepts. i hate hate hate accounting. college days were 3 miserable years. now they are all coming back as i have to force myself to digest the book in 2 weeks when i know that deep down i ll probably flung the paper i give up surrender totally crap arghhhhhhhhhhh

Craving #6: Satisfied

 
potong red bean ice-cream that costs only 50c but YUM! 

my 2005

 
01.01: hard at work (no evidence)
02.28: the Gates at central park
03.03: hard at work (no evidence)
04.14: hard at work at paloma... some evidence finally
04.16: springtime! weihong visit
04.29: Lombard Street in SF
05.03: sneak attack on gavin in sausalito
05.06: boston with weihong
05.22: jonah. his sister, kyle's 1 mth old celebration
05.26: vist at rj's new campus at bishan
05.28: dt gathering
06.03: melbourne with bee teng
07.30: jones beach with lily
08.08: business trip to Mclean. hell of a time with fine dining and getting lost while driving (no evidence)
08:27: my 25th birthday party
09.05: trip to montreal: birthday treat from beary
09.18: london business trip; fun with jia and colin and teck; work sucked!!!
10.12: U2 at MSG- my first ever rock concert
10.15: bangsters visit!
10.17: pet-sitting wire =)
10.21: jill's bday bash; party with mabel
10.28: cook-out at my place; iron chef ziwen
10.31: halloween parade
11.05: apples-picking
11.25: lukas visit
11.29: babbo! chen-en's bday
12.12: puking over work; stressing over exams. one of the darkest period of the year (no evidence)
12.24: gang; jamesi and jiayu and beeteng
12.26: curled my hair
12.31: countdown at leo's and carmen's new house