quit ny

the previous entry on 'my 2005' was a happy highlight of my 2005. it was kinda misleading cos it only reflected one part of it. im forgetful. i forgot how miserable i was too; the dark periods that i went through. now its 2006. not that im still stuck in my past and have not moved on but its home alone now and its night-time. im scared.

hhah im laughing at myself. im really a small and frightful child. not sure what gave me the courage to want to venture out of home. no one saw the down and frightful and teary days. nights that were just between me and my quilt blanket and comfort (no pun intended heh) that god is above looking down at me. not that i have no faith, but i dont exactly see him; a child-like faith that he is indeed there.

now its home alone; sudden thought of going back to ny next week is striking fear and panic into me. and this is something that i cant confide in my parents. cos was it not my own "foolishness" a year ago when i refused to budge from my decision to go abroad?

when will it be time to come home, for good? wish i know how to quit ny, heh like how jack twist said "wish i know how to quit you (ennis)".