it was tracy's last day in sg office yesterday. thought i ll blog about this event.
i remembered having my first encounter with her. that was the phone interview after ive met up with josh in ny. i like her personality right from the start. she sounded like a very chirpy and upbeat person and totally the perfect boss i want to work for/with. subsequently i got the job with the company and worked under her. she has been a real good person to work with, totally compatible with my working style - cool, not uptight, trust me to do a good job, very supportive and encouraging, allowed me to speak my mind, always trying to accommodate my requests.
i know i ll miss her (badly). however, there werent any tears at the farewell. she was very appreciative of all the well-meanings she received i supposed. we all look ahead to what the future has in place for us. i hope i wont miss her too badly.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Day 11 without LK: 6.27
got my ass out of the house for pilates. i do like going for pilates just that it doesnt help that i need to commute for an hr to get to gym. i remembered the days in ny when i was staying in manhattan and equinox was just round the corner. it was truly city living- waking up early to go to the gym or central park, feeling so good after a good workout, going to wholefoods for groceries, back home to chill or shower to go for brunch or just simply have a walk down the streets checking out the sights and beautiful people. it was the perfect lifestyle that i was glad i enjoyed it for a few years.
just re-reading his journals. there was an entry about "flirting". he sounds irritated that im getting attention from other guys who are actually my friends. well if i put myself in his shoes, if the situation is that there are gals flirting with him, i think i will not take it well too. even if these are just female friends, i dont think i ll allow him to get close to anyone. i dont believe in platonic relationships.
we will have to talk about this. so many things are on hold because he is not around. everything has come to a standstill. i really cant wait for him to get back.
just re-reading his journals. there was an entry about "flirting". he sounds irritated that im getting attention from other guys who are actually my friends. well if i put myself in his shoes, if the situation is that there are gals flirting with him, i think i will not take it well too. even if these are just female friends, i dont think i ll allow him to get close to anyone. i dont believe in platonic relationships.
we will have to talk about this. so many things are on hold because he is not around. everything has come to a standstill. i really cant wait for him to get back.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Day 10 without LK: 6.26
the waves of pinning for him kept crashing at me. sometimes it gets unbearable. i feel helpless and frustrated at the helplessness. oh well it is a friday and fridays are not meant to be a working day.
i went for my first official massage. i was embarrassed when the masseur commented on my awkwardness. oh well, it was my "first time" afterall. and she said something so tacky- i will give you a good one since you are giving me your first time. *roll eyes* imagine that said in malaysian accented mandarin. luckily it dint turn out too bad though i tried not to giggle when she was massaging my soles and my inner thigns. hmmm...
the consultant tried selling me the ipt for ahem you-know-where. if only i had acted spontaneously i wld have signed up the package. but i wanted to know his thoughts. maybe he ll get a surprise one day.
cant stop talking to him though its not that cheap. the phone conversations are lengthy as if we are both in sg. its so not the way to spend money but i just couldnt stop taking, hearing his voice, teasing him... missing him heaps..
i went for my first official massage. i was embarrassed when the masseur commented on my awkwardness. oh well, it was my "first time" afterall. and she said something so tacky- i will give you a good one since you are giving me your first time. *roll eyes* imagine that said in malaysian accented mandarin. luckily it dint turn out too bad though i tried not to giggle when she was massaging my soles and my inner thigns. hmmm...
the consultant tried selling me the ipt for ahem you-know-where. if only i had acted spontaneously i wld have signed up the package. but i wanted to know his thoughts. maybe he ll get a surprise one day.
cant stop talking to him though its not that cheap. the phone conversations are lengthy as if we are both in sg. its so not the way to spend money but i just couldnt stop taking, hearing his voice, teasing him... missing him heaps..
Day 9 without LK: 6.25
i had lunch with harry and his daughter mag today. i was constantly staring at mag cos of her deep set eyes. they reminded me of him. his arent that deep set but they sparkle as much as hers *dreamy*.
met hj for dinner. the conversations during our meetups are always pretty one-way. i want to say that im the keen listener who can empathize with her. i usually feel drained after meeting her becos she would have blabbered on for the whole duration. nevertheless i think if i made her day, it is kinda worthwhile. she is one person who has a good heart and good natured in many ways. i remembered blogging somewhere about her being blessed in many ways just becos she is a simple person.
i was very happy to talk to him. cool that he could sense it from the other side. him being rather insensitive at times, i was surprised that he can sense my moods quite well over the phone.
met hj for dinner. the conversations during our meetups are always pretty one-way. i want to say that im the keen listener who can empathize with her. i usually feel drained after meeting her becos she would have blabbered on for the whole duration. nevertheless i think if i made her day, it is kinda worthwhile. she is one person who has a good heart and good natured in many ways. i remembered blogging somewhere about her being blessed in many ways just becos she is a simple person.
i was very happy to talk to him. cool that he could sense it from the other side. him being rather insensitive at times, i was surprised that he can sense my moods quite well over the phone.
Day 8 without LK: 6.24
i went to work feeling not too great. this week isnt that exciting nor stressful. just finishing up the fs and more ticking and tying. it feels like im back to the good old auditing days.
was so excited to see him online!!! yay finally i could talk to him at length. i dont want to take it for granted that we are able to chat online during office hours. before he made it known to me that he likes me (yay), we were chatting quite a fair bit online. i remembered skyping bt and telling her about this guy who tells me his whereabouts. i had thought it to be strange for an activity buddy to be doing that. she told me he probably likes me and i kinda denied. well, we are activitiy buddies right? anyway, during that time, when he was out on his fridays, there will be no msning from him. honestly i felt the void he left. but i couldnt tell him.
not knowing why but i had wanted to give church a miss. but he told me i should go. im glad that i went. although as i type away now i cant remember the homily for that day, i hope that god will not be upset with me for even thinking of not going to see him and be in his presence. im feeling spiritually empty now. not sure what is happening but i think i need more quiet time with god.
was so excited to see him online!!! yay finally i could talk to him at length. i dont want to take it for granted that we are able to chat online during office hours. before he made it known to me that he likes me (yay), we were chatting quite a fair bit online. i remembered skyping bt and telling her about this guy who tells me his whereabouts. i had thought it to be strange for an activity buddy to be doing that. she told me he probably likes me and i kinda denied. well, we are activitiy buddies right? anyway, during that time, when he was out on his fridays, there will be no msning from him. honestly i felt the void he left. but i couldnt tell him.
not knowing why but i had wanted to give church a miss. but he told me i should go. im glad that i went. although as i type away now i cant remember the homily for that day, i hope that god will not be upset with me for even thinking of not going to see him and be in his presence. im feeling spiritually empty now. not sure what is happening but i think i need more quiet time with god.
Day 7 without LK: 6.23
nothing too significant about this day. i had my favourite homecooked dish for dinner - dried beancurd cooked with curry powder, with lots of carrot, onion and galic. if im coming home for dinner, marmi will be sure to cook it for me, so i have it at least once a week. marmi looked happy to see me back for dinner. i could see her face lit up thought after that, she turned her attention to her korean drama. oh well, i can understand- they are addictive.
this is the wimbledon week. rf wasnt playing so i dint catch much of the tv though it was turned on. im getting more tv time when baby is not around.
this is the wimbledon week. rf wasnt playing so i dint catch much of the tv though it was turned on. im getting more tv time when baby is not around.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Day 6 without LK: 6.22
the walk home from lakeside station can be monotonous or enjoyable. when im too tired i will usually hop on a cab so that i can get home in 5 min. if not the 20 min walk home is usually a zone-out time for me to think about, well life in general i guess.
today's walk home was needless to say, turned towards thoughts on him. it has only been a week but it feels longer than that. i dont like to deal with distance and given the bad experience with it i dont ever want to go through it again.
it feels as if time has come to a standstill. i tried not to think too much, carried on life as usual. i had thought it may be a liberating two weeks- time for me to catch up on my beauty sleep, catch up with family and friends, catch up with my own time. these were things that i fought fiercely for in the few years before april. however surprisingly i really miss him. its not the familiarity that im missing. i think it is too soon to take him/things for granted. in fact, i dont think i will ever take anyone for granted.
i truly enjoy him being around me and me being around him. can i go through times without him in my life now?
today's walk home was needless to say, turned towards thoughts on him. it has only been a week but it feels longer than that. i dont like to deal with distance and given the bad experience with it i dont ever want to go through it again.
it feels as if time has come to a standstill. i tried not to think too much, carried on life as usual. i had thought it may be a liberating two weeks- time for me to catch up on my beauty sleep, catch up with family and friends, catch up with my own time. these were things that i fought fiercely for in the few years before april. however surprisingly i really miss him. its not the familiarity that im missing. i think it is too soon to take him/things for granted. in fact, i dont think i will ever take anyone for granted.
i truly enjoy him being around me and me being around him. can i go through times without him in my life now?
Day 5 without LK: 6.21
this was a horrible day. CRAMPS. ARGH. it started after lunch and i was wringling in so much pain that i could hardly move. and i couldnt seem to find a position that would ease the pain.
the cramps dint stop even till bedtime. i was still in so much pain that i was whining to mum. she came in to stroke me and that helped a little. it has been a while since she last came to lie on my bed. i fell asleep and remembered daddy coming to get her out of my room. so grateful i had her hand stroking me.
the cramps dint stop even till bedtime. i was still in so much pain that i was whining to mum. she came in to stroke me and that helped a little. it has been a while since she last came to lie on my bed. i fell asleep and remembered daddy coming to get her out of my room. so grateful i had her hand stroking me.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Day 4 without LK: 6.20
i slept in, woke up close to 11am. its been a while since i last slept in so i was feeling happy about it.
the night before i was checking out his albums on fb for the first time. in the past the cat in me would have want to find out all things about the guy im dating. im thinking perhaps im cooler now that im older meaning more mature and able to take things in my stride. anyway it was fun checking out the pictures. many nice ones. then i saw those pictures from his past. not sure how to think. couldnt exactly control the sour feeling that i got. swallowed hard. hahah perhaps if he was in town then, i would have called him at 1ish in the morning to "talk about it". nah i think im cooler than that.
i dont exactly know how to handle such things. how do you handle these things from the past. do i have the right to demand him to erase his past. even if so, its only erased from fb not the facts. the shots were seemingly and ghostly familiar. how he s taking shots of me now, i cld imagine him doing that of her. that felt lousy. so i wasnt that special afterall. the night turned bleaker from that moment. i dint want to turn to this thought but was i a replacement for the past.
the night before i was checking out his albums on fb for the first time. in the past the cat in me would have want to find out all things about the guy im dating. im thinking perhaps im cooler now that im older meaning more mature and able to take things in my stride. anyway it was fun checking out the pictures. many nice ones. then i saw those pictures from his past. not sure how to think. couldnt exactly control the sour feeling that i got. swallowed hard. hahah perhaps if he was in town then, i would have called him at 1ish in the morning to "talk about it". nah i think im cooler than that.
i dont exactly know how to handle such things. how do you handle these things from the past. do i have the right to demand him to erase his past. even if so, its only erased from fb not the facts. the shots were seemingly and ghostly familiar. how he s taking shots of me now, i cld imagine him doing that of her. that felt lousy. so i wasnt that special afterall. the night turned bleaker from that moment. i dint want to turn to this thought but was i a replacement for the past.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Day 3 without LK - 6.19
i woke up and checked for messages. none =(
anyway got to the gym. took the train with dad which turned out to be a happy one. he had a seat which he gave up just so that he can talk to me on the journey (im quoting him). our conversation topics were so varied. he noticed my bag and exclaimed its very nice and asked how much it cost. i told him its a thai brand, known for its silk. pointed out to him the brand and he made the effort to retrieve his glasses from his bag just so that he can read the brand and perhaps command it to his memory. next he exclaimed that the bag is very unique looking and that he had not seen anyone else carrying it! continued to blabber how everyone is carrying "the bag with many Cs", aka coach, and that they are all fake. to which i reply, ya i carry the real ones and you know how they look like so you can judge who are carrying the fakes. love my daddy who can always sing the same tune as me. i remembered being in hcmc airport and we had gone into burberry. the next time we saw a burberry, he was able to point out to me! how wonderful right?! mentioned briefly about work that my boss is moving on and i dont like the new person taking over. he told me to suck it up and work hard =(
im wearing his watch and keep staring at it throughout the day.
went for facial after work. ended ard 8ish and checked for his msg. there and then, on a friday night, i wished he was next to me. thought of not spending money on cabs, i took the bus home not wanting to deal w the train crowd. it turned out to be a bad choice- had to deal with a man who was coughing every 30 sec and dint miss a beat and a lady going beserk at the end by blasting remix music. sigh when will i make my resolution to stop public commuting come true.
anyway got to the gym. took the train with dad which turned out to be a happy one. he had a seat which he gave up just so that he can talk to me on the journey (im quoting him). our conversation topics were so varied. he noticed my bag and exclaimed its very nice and asked how much it cost. i told him its a thai brand, known for its silk. pointed out to him the brand and he made the effort to retrieve his glasses from his bag just so that he can read the brand and perhaps command it to his memory. next he exclaimed that the bag is very unique looking and that he had not seen anyone else carrying it! continued to blabber how everyone is carrying "the bag with many Cs", aka coach, and that they are all fake. to which i reply, ya i carry the real ones and you know how they look like so you can judge who are carrying the fakes. love my daddy who can always sing the same tune as me. i remembered being in hcmc airport and we had gone into burberry. the next time we saw a burberry, he was able to point out to me! how wonderful right?! mentioned briefly about work that my boss is moving on and i dont like the new person taking over. he told me to suck it up and work hard =(
im wearing his watch and keep staring at it throughout the day.
went for facial after work. ended ard 8ish and checked for his msg. there and then, on a friday night, i wished he was next to me. thought of not spending money on cabs, i took the bus home not wanting to deal w the train crowd. it turned out to be a bad choice- had to deal with a man who was coughing every 30 sec and dint miss a beat and a lady going beserk at the end by blasting remix music. sigh when will i make my resolution to stop public commuting come true.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Day 2 without LK - 6.18
"Dont get angry. Dont be upset; it only leads to trouble." - Psalm 37:8
that was the grace for the moment for 6.17. when i read it i was like deh, how appropriate?!
i had wanted to msg him but i decided not to. i am still quite upset. not sure why but am just upset. and he is not around to make me feel better. since he is not around physically, i only want to be alone. not sure when he is going to call me, if ever. i know he is going to say it is expensive, msges and emails will suffice (but it is not so for me). if this is a test of his love for me, he ll probably fail it quite miserably.
---
talked over msn. he was at blue pumpkin having his mango smoothie. ah that place has got some memories. me sitting across from him with him surfing the net or checking emails as he would have put it. at that point in time, i had wondered why he dint offer anyone to use his computer. remembered how his eyes had always sparkled when he talked about the must-try mango smoothies.
guessed i felt better to hear his voice. soothed me a little and i cldnt hold my anger any longer. it must be hellish for him trying to get me to talk to him. just finished another conversation with him at home.
baby, i miss you much. wish you can give me a hug now.
that was the grace for the moment for 6.17. when i read it i was like deh, how appropriate?!
i had wanted to msg him but i decided not to. i am still quite upset. not sure why but am just upset. and he is not around to make me feel better. since he is not around physically, i only want to be alone. not sure when he is going to call me, if ever. i know he is going to say it is expensive, msges and emails will suffice (but it is not so for me). if this is a test of his love for me, he ll probably fail it quite miserably.
---
talked over msn. he was at blue pumpkin having his mango smoothie. ah that place has got some memories. me sitting across from him with him surfing the net or checking emails as he would have put it. at that point in time, i had wondered why he dint offer anyone to use his computer. remembered how his eyes had always sparkled when he talked about the must-try mango smoothies.
guessed i felt better to hear his voice. soothed me a little and i cldnt hold my anger any longer. it must be hellish for him trying to get me to talk to him. just finished another conversation with him at home.
baby, i miss you much. wish you can give me a hug now.
Day 1 without LK - 6.17
im sure i would have missed him heaps if not for the silly episode on tues. he wanted me to tell him about the thing i was supposed to but i decided to msg him later because i dont want messages to get lost in the way i said it. i know he was not happy. i had to act cute and get him to talk to me from mos burger till we sat down for lunch. it just got to me after a while. i told him no one has ever thrown a tantrum at me and he will not be the first to do it.
wah the more i thought after it, the more upset i got. when i was done with my lunch, i just had to run away. so i ran away back to the office and stayed uncontactable for the rest of the day.
---
i woke up seeing his message and more messages in the morning. i decided to text him back becos he pleaded "pls stop ignoring me". im not sure if i had cooled down yet but i dint want to be so cruel. wasnt that blue at work with was fine but i was bored i know. he slipped into my mind a few times. dint know how to feel how to react how to proceed.
when i got the flowers at night, my heart jumped a little because it was such a pretty bunch. but somehow i felt let down. why did he have to behave the way he did. it felt so petty and so not grown up. after admiring the flowers and fussing over them like getting a vase and taking shots, i checked the phone for his call/text which never did come, i went to bed.
wah the more i thought after it, the more upset i got. when i was done with my lunch, i just had to run away. so i ran away back to the office and stayed uncontactable for the rest of the day.
---
i woke up seeing his message and more messages in the morning. i decided to text him back becos he pleaded "pls stop ignoring me". im not sure if i had cooled down yet but i dint want to be so cruel. wasnt that blue at work with was fine but i was bored i know. he slipped into my mind a few times. dint know how to feel how to react how to proceed.
when i got the flowers at night, my heart jumped a little because it was such a pretty bunch. but somehow i felt let down. why did he have to behave the way he did. it felt so petty and so not grown up. after admiring the flowers and fussing over them like getting a vase and taking shots, i checked the phone for his call/text which never did come, i went to bed.
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